Here today is my first real on-line post in what feels to be three, possibly four years…
Theres nothing particularly fascinating about it…. or life changing…just a small attempt at making a new years resolution perhaps. So over the passed few weeks I’ve attempted to keep writing a few entries tracking my day to day activities in the middle of nowhere.
60km outside Durban, South Africa… I send you notes from “out in the sticks” in the middle of a beautiful rural zulu community named Eskelikethlenhi, Inchanga, Ximba, Outer West Durban, South Africa. Sheesh thats a mouth full….
Without further ado, my life entries to you from RSA 🙂
This is a document relating to the life and times of Wayne Moses, going by the alias of Whet Maverick.
A 36 year old “cape coloured” skater from South Africa, Cape Town… Cape Flats.
Having a somewhat sheltered/ privileged existence… born in the years of apartheid, having my family torn apart by the state/ government and in later years by myself. Have I unwittingly become a product of my environment?
These are my journal entries…. which will include whatsapp, email, social media (Later) communication… also random research which I pursued out of curiosity & the need to find solutions. Either way, I left everything behind to seek the truth of all which plagues my being. …From the near religious choice of monetary slavery to the pschycological tyranny of peoples drama, ego, vanity and so forth. In a sense to vent, rant, reason with myself so I may gain some insight of my experiences or overcome the stupidity of others. (in the wise words of Bob Marley, time will tell)
Below are a couple of images showing the walking distances I cover just to have a good road to skate downhill…
….and the background image below is from the walking path named the Monteseel Mountain Trial which is approximately 60km outside of Durban City in a area named Inchanga. The app I was using to collect this data is called Samsung Health.
Where to start, I gues there’s no better time that the present… and I’ll work back from there…partly because certain issues are currently more pressing than others. And also due to my memory fading, whether from age, smoking weed, hitting my head against the road one to many times while skating or because the pain the circumstances/ experiences have caused me….the truth of my memory however is not from the above mentioned. It stems from my relentless pursuit/ search for love. Or at least that’s what I told myself at the age of 27.
Having many suitors, too many I’d say… although I’m not much to look at, I am my fathers son. Filled with charisma, charm and what a few of my ex-bosses call the gift of the gab. I have the ability to talk my way into and out of almost any situation I choose to be a part of, or influence. Getting back to the point though. I’m one of those people who have pursued love relentlessly, giving all I have, all I am in hope that my partner would do the same for me. Alas, life does not work like that, niether does love. My expectations of others was always high, sometimes too high. Doing things for them as I would for myself, holding high expectations of myself knowing that I will keep to them and not realising that those I love or loved would not see or hold to those same expectations.
The longest any of my relationships lasted was 3…maybe 4 years… three years, with my last serious partner, who I broke up with because she lied to me. And the one of 4 years because she was so straight forward, she broke up to me, giving me the ultimatum that she can either be honest, or truthful, but not both…. she was pretty smart, life smart and book smart.
Nonetheless it was due to a string of terrible choices of partners, or maybe a terribly poor judge of character that I ended up deciding to not hold onto the memories we shared…I actively chose to forget the beautiful moments we shared, because those moments were attached to agreements we made… They hurt so much that if I didn’t forget those moments, I would surely commit suicide. The depression was so painful, I could literally not speak for months on end. Only really being able to greet when greeted, say yes please, no thank you, ok, and goodbye…. purely out of respect or acknowledgment of the other persons presence.
So…today! Tooooo Dayyyy. I awoke late and chose to sleep in, fortunately because I only work three days a week, unfortunately because I spent all of yesterday walking from an area named botha’s hill to the place where I currently stay. Roughly I’d say felt like 50km of walking. Which is also kinda good because I’m currently having a step challenge with my cousin in Cape Town via an app called “S Health”….needless to say after yesterdays walk I’m way ahead in the challenge.